Did you know that I earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology?
Or that I was the Valedictorian of my college class?
Or that I worked for four years as a Residential Counselor, coaching young adults with mental illness?
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t.
Either way, I don’t speak about these much.
So when my cousin stood up at the end of my workshop this past weekend to announce that I was short-changing myself and my credentials, I honestly felt really angry with her.
I knew she wasn’t trying to be harsh or brag about my accomplishments, but it still made me feel really uncomfortable and I wasn’t sure why.
Later that evening when everyone left, she went on to explain that I was doing a disservice to myself and others by NOT sharing ALL of my creditentials and skills. I met her with resistance, claiming that I didn’t think it was important to mention that I had my Bachelor’s Degree or that I was the Valedictorian. Of course, she disagreed, so we began to delve deeper. Why didn’t I want to recognize all of the hard work I put in to get to where I am?
The honest truth is: I’m not proud of these parts of my story.
I never wanted to go to college.
I resisted going to college.
I resented going to college.
And sure, no one was physically holding a gun to my head, but in my family, NOT going to college wasn’t an option.
To not go to college would mean possible disownment. It would mean being a disappointment. It would mean being a let down. And of course, being the good girl that I was, I didn’t want that.
Even after college, I resented having to pay back my student loans.
I resented being stuck in a soul-sucking job, not being able to do what I really wanted to do {to travel}, with a whopping fifty-six thousand dollars of debt shackled to my ankle.
Rather than expand me, college and having a socially acceptable career suffocated me.
And therefore, owning this part of who I am is painful rather than pleasant.
But what I, and all of us need to understand, is that we can not have light without darkness.
We can not have clarity without contrast.
So even the really shitty parts—even the parts that we repress and don’t want to dig up—are the parts of our story that we must own and be thankful for too.
For it is these experiences that force us to grow.
It is these experiences that lead us to where we are meant to be.
If life was easy all of the time, we wouldn’t be forced to explore, to expand, to heal, to transcend, to WAKE UP.
So is disowning your darkness moving you forward or keeping you paralyzed?
Of course, you might not be ready to acknowledge your darkness and that’s totally okay. Healing and understanding comes at the exact time it’s meant to for each of us. But if you feel called to do big things in your life or to move up to the next level of success—hiding away your hurt is not going to get you where you want to go any faster.
Owning the darkness and choosing to reframe it and see it as the lesson it is, is where you will find your power. It’s where you will find your growth. It’s your greatest chance for change and your greatest tool to help others.
So what part of your story are you disowning? How could you reframe it as a lesson? What could you take away from it in order to help others?
It’s so interesting because the work that really lights me up is helping others manifest more success doing what they love and if I DIDN’T go to college or stay stuck in a job I hated, I wouldn’t have felt so constricted in pursuit of doing what I love, therefore, I might not have arrived at my deepest purpose as early as I have.
Everything happens for a reason.
So rather than hide away my credentials and my skills because of the darkness surrounding them, I’m going to make more of an effort to own them and tell the story behind them because without them, I wouldn’t be where I am right now and I wouldn’t be able to teach others as deeply as I’m able.
With light, love, & even darkness,
-Kayla
Coach, Author, & Motivational Speaker
P.S. Want to watch my 2011 Valedictorian Speech that makes me shudder with embarrassment every time I watch it? Check it it out >>here.
Want to read more? Check out How to Become More Successful With This One Radical Truth.
